Mum's current husband went on holiday with his nephew to Tenerife. After sampling some of the possibly out of date shell fish, they both developed the urge to evacuate at irregular intervals. They were caught by surprise at one point and made a dash for McDonalds, they burst into the stalls at which point a lot of noise was heard by my step dad followed by the nephew saying.
"Hey Vern, some dirty bastards shit up the wall."
Last one from my Aunt:
She was in some foriegn country either in Asia or Africa, I forget which, and she developed banji belly (apologies for spelling). In her hotel room she suddenly got the urge to splurge, so went to the toilet. As she bent down to remove her knickers she suddenly let rip and, as she described it, pebble dashed the wall and toilet. The worst part is instead of trying to clean it up herself, she phoned down to reception for them to send a cleaner up.